"The fire in your kiss could start a war...", how I wonder what this would feel like. To be able to kiss someone so passionately that you can feel their very essence building inside of them. That their energy intertwines with your own and two individuals, if even for a mere second, become one. Does this really happen? Have you had the opportunity to experience a kiss like this? I feel like I may have gotten pretty close once or twice, but I haven't felt something like this and no matter how much I want it, I don't think that it will happen for me anytime soon. I'm not sure how to feel about love anymore. Is it a real emotion or do we just make it up so that we can justify why we stay in relationships with someone so that we don't spend our lives alone constantly wondering what it would be like to feel this way? This mysterious feeling that no one can describe or give reason to. How can something so misunderstood overcome even the most logical mind? What is love and how do we know we are in it? How do we know if it is real?...And how do we make it stop?
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Chasing After a Possible Myth
"The fire in your kiss could start a war...", how I wonder what this would feel like. To be able to kiss someone so passionately that you can feel their very essence building inside of them. That their energy intertwines with your own and two individuals, if even for a mere second, become one. Does this really happen? Have you had the opportunity to experience a kiss like this? I feel like I may have gotten pretty close once or twice, but I haven't felt something like this and no matter how much I want it, I don't think that it will happen for me anytime soon. I'm not sure how to feel about love anymore. Is it a real emotion or do we just make it up so that we can justify why we stay in relationships with someone so that we don't spend our lives alone constantly wondering what it would be like to feel this way? This mysterious feeling that no one can describe or give reason to. How can something so misunderstood overcome even the most logical mind? What is love and how do we know we are in it? How do we know if it is real?...And how do we make it stop?
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Do you paint with all your heart?
These are some of my attempts at art. Each painting or photo was done at many sad points throughout the past few months for me. I am slowly learning how to express my feelings and so far this is the best way that I know how to do so without screaming or crying. Please enjoy and let me know what you think about them. What I am watching/listening to.
The painting above is for a a guy I hope that I can call a friend. He doesn't know it but I like him in a way I haven't felt since elementary school. I have a secret crush and its really weird saying that when you are 24 and the guy barely knows who you are. I guess thats what makes it a secret. And no it is not a celebrity...well at least not yet. :-)
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| "Sadness" |
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| "Rendition" |
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| "Angry Love" |
The painting above is for a a guy I hope that I can call a friend. He doesn't know it but I like him in a way I haven't felt since elementary school. I have a secret crush and its really weird saying that when you are 24 and the guy barely knows who you are. I guess thats what makes it a secret. And no it is not a celebrity...well at least not yet. :-)
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| "Memphis Peeking" |
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Imagine this...
A song from my fav band that expresses my feelings
A lot has changed since I last wrote in this blog. Some things are for the better and some may seem worse but I have hopes that everything will work out in the end. A quick update: I am back in my hometown of Chicago or the "Second City" as many natives would like to call it. I love it here and I am happy to be back in the big city but something is missing. Well, I am currently jobless, boyfriendless and living with my parents so you would think that those are the reasons why I feel like my life is incomplete. And, honestly, I'm sure that those reasons have something to do with this empty feeling but, when it comes down to it they are really nothing that I haven't experienced in my 6 years in Charleston.
Every night I have to force myself to fall asleep and every morning I have to force myself to wake. I don't feel depressed if that is what you all think. I just feel empty. As though life is passing me by and as much as I want to join in I don't. I can tell you one thing that I do want the most right now and that is love. I am in love with the ideal man who doesn't exist. He is formed from pieces of all the men in my life. And I fear that no matter how hard I search for my dream guy, in the end he will always be a part of my imagination. The one that I only see in my dreams but is faceless. He is the reason why I don't want to sleep because he haunts my dreams. And he is the reason why I don't want to wake, because I know that he isn't real. Do you have any idea what it feels like to be lovelorn for someone who doesn't exist? Can you feel my heartbreaking every second?
A lot has changed since I last wrote in this blog. Some things are for the better and some may seem worse but I have hopes that everything will work out in the end. A quick update: I am back in my hometown of Chicago or the "Second City" as many natives would like to call it. I love it here and I am happy to be back in the big city but something is missing. Well, I am currently jobless, boyfriendless and living with my parents so you would think that those are the reasons why I feel like my life is incomplete. And, honestly, I'm sure that those reasons have something to do with this empty feeling but, when it comes down to it they are really nothing that I haven't experienced in my 6 years in Charleston.
Every night I have to force myself to fall asleep and every morning I have to force myself to wake. I don't feel depressed if that is what you all think. I just feel empty. As though life is passing me by and as much as I want to join in I don't. I can tell you one thing that I do want the most right now and that is love. I am in love with the ideal man who doesn't exist. He is formed from pieces of all the men in my life. And I fear that no matter how hard I search for my dream guy, in the end he will always be a part of my imagination. The one that I only see in my dreams but is faceless. He is the reason why I don't want to sleep because he haunts my dreams. And he is the reason why I don't want to wake, because I know that he isn't real. Do you have any idea what it feels like to be lovelorn for someone who doesn't exist? Can you feel my heartbreaking every second?
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