Imagine this...

A song from my fav band that expresses my feelings

A lot has changed since I last wrote in this blog. Some things are for the better and some may seem worse but I have hopes that everything will work out in the end. A quick update: I am back in my hometown of Chicago or the "Second City" as many natives would like to call it. I love it here and I am happy to be back in the big city but something is missing. Well, I am currently jobless, boyfriendless and living with my parents so you would think that those are the reasons why I feel like my life is incomplete. And, honestly, I'm sure that those reasons have something to do with this empty feeling but, when it comes down to it they are really nothing that I haven't experienced in my 6 years in Charleston.

Every night I have to force myself to fall asleep and every morning I have to force myself to wake. I don't feel depressed if that is what you all think. I just feel empty. As though life is passing me by and as much as I want to join in I don't. I can tell you one thing that I do want the most right now and that is love. I am in love with the ideal man who doesn't exist. He is formed from pieces of all the men in my life. And I fear that no matter how hard I search for my dream guy, in the end he will always be a part of my imagination. The one that I only see in my dreams but is faceless. He is the reason why I don't want to sleep because he haunts my dreams. And he is the reason why I don't want to wake, because I know that he isn't real. Do you have any idea what it feels like to be lovelorn for someone who doesn't exist? Can you feel my heartbreaking every second?